Lockdown, eh? I used today’s time wisely to decorate my cave with every grimy pewter cup and scrap of hessian sacking I had, then give you a reading of my Victorian fae poem “Mary Pulcifer and the Seelie Pudding” in the voices of Mary Pulcifer, Lord Mabworth and Green John.

I tell you it once, I tell you it twice…

Never trust the Gentry.